· 23 Years old · Argentina ·
so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums.
i just told my mom i died at birth and i’ve been a ghost this entire time just growing and manifesting into the daughter she’d lost
and she’s just like
well please go to the light because i am tired of your shit
one time when i was younger i had some of that no tears shampoo and i wanted to see if it was legit so when i was in the shower i squirted it into my eye and i think i went blind for like three days
i think you may be a bit retarded because no tears meant like no tears in your hair; no tangles….
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought no tears as in crying too
MY LIFE IS A LIE
A few years ago at my school there was a senior prank where two goats were released in the school and were labeled “1” and “3”. The teachers and administrators spent four hours trying to find goat “2”.
*studies for 2 minutes*